Updates, sequels and remakes…Oh, my!
For your eyeballs’ pleasure, I’ve compiled a short list of 80’s movie reboots that have either been recently announced or are in some form of production. While I feel that some of these movies are in dire need of a remake or sequel, I however feel that some do not need another version. Seeing that Hollywood movies are regurgitated versions of their former selves, and that an original idea is hard to come by, some movies need to be left alone. But on the other hand, some movies honestly do need to be remade or continued. When I stumbled across the list of upcoming remakes on IMDB, I had mixed feelings about some of them…like the old television show ‘The Facts of Life’. Well…“we take the good, we take the bad…” and there you have the introduction to my rant…I mean article.
Before getting into this, I’m excited to announce that the one 80’s flick I’ve always wanted to see as remake is finally being made! The Last Starfighter is currently in pre-production! Gary Whitta, one of the writers for Rogue One: A Star Wars Story, is planning on penning this in collaboration with the writer of the original film, Jonathan Betuel. I completely loved the original as a kid. Man, it had everything! A plucky and optimistic kid basically abducted from Earth, (suck it Star-Lord!), recruited to single-handedly save the galaxy from an evil and tyrannical alien overlord, a weird alien copilot, a hot chick and of course star fighters!
Reboot or Continuation: Continuation (I think).
Just because they can, should they? Eff yeah!
Gregory McDonald’s beloved (at least by me) character of Irwin M. “Fletch” Fletcher will be returning to the big screen after an insanely long wait. I’ve read most of the books and I’ve enjoyed every page. The first movie, ‘Fletch’, was loosely based off the book of the same name.The second installment; ‘Fletch Lives’, was completely written for the silver screen and not from McDonald’s source material. But hey! Again, I love every minute of both films and will re-watch them at any time.
Having read most of the ‘Fletch’ series, I definitely know a lot about it. So, if you like the originals you should try reading the books. They are infinitely better.
─ FREAKING SPOILER ALERT ─ ‘Fletch Won’ was written to be a prequel. I heard this newsin 2015 when Jason Sudeikis was cast for the lead role. The actor stated that the movie will eventually happen and that Fletch’s disguises will be modernized. I speculate that if the disguises are going to be modernized then the movie might end up being a continuation instead. Regardless, I will see and probably love the crap out of it.
‘Big Trouble in Little China’
Remake or Continuation: Continuation
Just because they can, should they? Probably not
In 2016, Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson told the world that he was going to be in a remake of ‘Big Trouble in Little China’ and understandably fans collectively shat bricks with a side of nervousness and anxiety. Tell me friends, how do you improve perfection? You can’t. Just as you can’t make lightning strike twice or prove that Bigfoot is real. You. Just. Can’t.
Kurt Russell even raised an eyebrow at the idea. Going as far to say that it was only a good idea “…if it was being done for the right reasons…” and we know that the powers that be are trying to get John Carpenter involved somehow. And we also know that according to executive producers that The Rock will not be playing a Jack Burton. So, this won’t be a remake or reimagining but a continuation within the universe of the original cult classic.
Comic book company BOOM! Studios published a comic book sequel, taking place on the day of Wang Chi and Miao Yin’s wedding day! I don’t like sounding like a lame poster hanging up ina public library by saying ‘Reading is fundamental!’, but well…it is. This series was fun to read.You should read it. Nuff said!
‘The Neverending Story’
Remake or Continuation: Unknown
Just because they can, should they? No! No! No! Nope! Na-Uh! No! I refuse! Hell no!
This movie is still in early development stages and a lot is subject to change. But with today’s modern technology, it’s hard to think they wouldn’t do a great job creatively or visually. But hey, let’s make a desperate cash grab by using people’s nostalgia and love for pop culture against them. While simultaneously, we emotionally scar a whole new generation of children by having them watch a new streamlined version of Artax dying in the Swamp of Sadness! Side note:While filming that scene in the original movie, the real horse was tied to a lowering platform. And almost as soon as ‘Cut!’ was yelled, the horse did sadly however really drown. So think about how that scene emotionally wrecked you as a kid, and then think about how the horse did drown. Are you thinking about that? Got that image in your mind’s eye? Are your eyes beginning to tear up? Good! I’ll stop ruining your childhood memories if you send ten dollars to my Cashapp.
And because of the real life death of Artax and knowing Hollywood’s modus operandi, I know in my heart of hearts that all I’ll be able to think about is that damn dead horse. It will depress me to the point that all I’ll be able to do is blubber like my six year old does when I take away her tablet! I’ll pass on this one, thank you very much.
Remake or Continuation: Unknown
Status: In Development
Just because they can, should they? YES, PLEASE!
“Los Locos kick your ass! Los Locos kick your face! Los Locos kick your balls INTO OUTER SPACE!” Words we all hold dearly and close to our hearts. I couldn’t find much on this one. All I do know is that the Number Five Robot will more or less look exactly like it did in the originals and that everything is subject to change because they haven’t finished the script. I searched the internet for a really long time to find something other than a plot summary (Do you know how long I scoured the internet for you?! TEN MINUTES! That’s a really long time to be scouring the internet for non-porn).
The only thing that concerns me is that in the original, Fisher Stevens’, (A.K.A. The Plague, from the super sweet 90’s flick ‘Hackers’ starring Johnny Lee Miller and a hella young Angelina Jolie ─ if you’ve never seen this movie, we really can’t be friends.) portrayal of a Hindi Ben Jabituya. What I’m saying is, with the way our society is today, do you think a white actor in basically ‘brown face’ make up is going to fly with people? I didn’t think so either.
The plot summary I read, did sound similar to the original except Number Five is befriended by a young boy from a broken home (I swear to Glob that’s what the plot summary, lmao!), It’s being written by a new group of writers with none of the original cast returning. But nothing is out of the realm of possibilities. I could see it being done well. But that could just be my own hopeful optimism.
There were many more reboots, (and what nots), in the works; but most of them still in the early stages of development, so there wasn’t very much to go on. But seeing how I saw the list of upcoming titles, here are some more movies set to be eventually remade:
‘Drop Dead Fred’, ‘Starship Troopers’, ‘An American Werewolf in London’, ‘Time Bandits’, ‘American Psycho’, ‘Little Shop of Horrors’, ‘Akira’, Escape from New York’, ‘Highlander’, ‘Flight of the Navigator’, ‘Weird Science’, (Originally performed by Air Supply!! ….I mean,originally written and directed by John Hughes, basically Kevin Smith of the 80’s, and if you don’t know who either of them are, we seriously can’t be friends), ‘The Toxic Avenger’, ‘Pet Sematary, ‘War Games’, ‘The Birds’, ‘Commando’, ‘Heavy Metal’, ‘Scarface’, ‘Gremlins 3’, ‘Van Helsing’, ‘Bloodsport’, ‘Logan’s Run’, ‘Mortal Kombat’, ‘Police Academy’, ‘Overboard’, ‘Cliffhanger’, ’20,000 Leagues Under the Sea’, ‘Voltron’, ‘The Legend of Conan’, ‘Spawn’, ‘Dungeons and Dragons’, ‘Flash Gordon’, ‘Green Lantern Corps.’, ‘The League of Extraordinary Gentlemen’